I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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