Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
