I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
