She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
