Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
