He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
