we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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