Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
