he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
