You're so nebulous sometimes
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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