no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
