i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
