do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
