If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize