Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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