Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
