im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
