i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
