He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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