I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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