Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And then the night went full on bisexual.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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