I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
