I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
