he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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