Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize