I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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