yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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