Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize