mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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