Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
