My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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