Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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