"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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