Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
