I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
