Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
