i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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