I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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