My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
