Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
