She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
