How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
