from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
