I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
