Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
