he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
