I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize