Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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