I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
