Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
