Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
