I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
