the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
