using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
