I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
