I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it was like eating out sand paper
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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