Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
