i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
