Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
