SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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