i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
