i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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