If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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