Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize