The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
