Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
