I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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