update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
