I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
