he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize