Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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