he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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