bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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