Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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