so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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