She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
