Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
