the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize